55 My inner self


Until that moment I had never explored all my inner self, I always stayed near my soul tree. Only near there I felt more comfortable, when I walked away from the tree, I felt something strange, not exactly creepy, but something that gave me goose bumps. But with my Master here, I believed that everything would be alright.

We began to walk, it was nice to be only with her. I like Meng Shang as a brother, but be with my Master alone was still the best. Her tiny form illuminated the way we were walking, she seemed to me like a goddess of fire with her red bright.

“What do you know about your body?” she asked me, breaking the moment I was enjoying.

I said that not much, that was true. Even as a kid, I never learned much about the body, and the tome we were training at the cave, she teach me more about meditation and techniques than about the body.

“I see —she respond—, well, as you know all thing have qi. But only living thing can manipulate qi. Do you know why? Because we had spirit. Every spirit is different, some are more complex than other like your spirit and the spirit of a tree. Even so, had all the beings with spirit have, not matter, how complex it is, is a spirit seed. As I told you before, what cultivators do, it’s to cultivate that seed, making it grow. That seed is also called dantian, and when you let it grow to a soul tree, you began to manipulate qi better, isn’t it? It because when is only a seed, the qi you could accumulate is almost negligible, that’s why mortals can’t do what we can. But when we let it grow, the qi the we can accumulate is better and better, and with techniques we can use it in different ways. But most of this information, you already know it, or at least had intuited already. But all the qi you have accumulated, where it goes?”

It were everywhere in my body, it was a strange question, it was so obvious. I responded that, and she nodded. “Yes, everywhere! But how?”

That I didn’t know. I supposed that the river I always heard was the way the qi flowed, but I really wasn’t sure. “When you were teaching to that kids, you were telling them to know themselves thought meditation, but you have not done so. Why?”

I don’t know how to respond to that, but then I realized that she saw already awake when I was teaching them. “Master, how long were you awake?” I asked her. “Enough to see you grow a little bit —she respond—, but that is not important. How could you cultivate if you don’t know yourself? This space is called inner self for a reason. All this is you, your body, your soul, your qi, all here is interweaved in one place. You need to know it well.”

After that scolding, I went silent. We keep walking and that creepy sensation was increasing until it was almost paralyzing. “Master, I can’t keep going —I said almost trembling—, I can’t do it anymore.”

She caressed my hair. “Little girl, trying to know yourself could be frightening. Today we will stop this tour, but remember, to be a cultivator is going against the Heavens, if you can fight the Heavens, you can fight yourself. I will not lie to you, fighting yourself is sometimes more difficult, you will encounter many things in your life that will make you doubt yourself, that’s why you have to know you well. It’s necessary. For now, let’s return, but before that we will only do a little walk, for you to see something marvelous.   

I wanted to return, but I followed her. We went to a place that was still dark, but I could see a light, and the sound of a familiar sound: the river. “Come here and look at this”, said my Master.

I went where my master indicated, and I could finally see the river that for so many years I had heard.  It was a beautiful river, with a shining pale blue hue. The current was not strong, but it wasn’t also weak. “Master, is this…”

“Yes, it is indeed your qi flowing through the meridians in your body. It’s the first time you see it, doesn’t it? And you would not have seeing if you don’t have walked a little more. Today even if you were afraid, you had discovered something you about yourself.”

She was right, I was still afraid of the darkness beyond, but this sight was calming. It was my own power flowing. That was me, and it was beautiful.

“Now try to convert it to elemental qi —ordered my Master suddenly—, see the changes in your qi.”

I did it, and I saw how a little part of the entire river changed to thunder qi. It was only a line, not more broad than my arm. It that was all what I was converting? I thought that it was much more, but seeing that make me realize that it was nothing.

“Now you see what the truth is —said my Master with a tender voice—, and not what you thought. You can come here every time to practice and try to make it better. Improve yourself, be better.”

I nodded. I realized that I needed a lot to learn before becoming a cultivator that was worthy of calling her Master. From that day I trained and meditated more than before.

And before I realized, 24 hours had already passed in the real world.

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