62 Thinking

I was freezing, as my Master told me, she had closed my meridians, so my qi wasn’t flowing. I didn’t feel like that since I become a cultivator. She even closed my inner place. I was alone, cold and angry.

My Master didn’t try to understand my complaint. She only said that I was still a little girl. How I was a “little girl” anymore? Was I not a victim of my family? They try to force marriage, and I was almost raped and killed. Remembering these scenes and become angrier. They ripped my clothes, I could see then in my mind, their faces. Their eyes had lust and madness. I goose bumped.

If it was not for my Master, my end would have been terrible. She showed me another path, one that I didn’t even think it existed for me. Since that day I had tried my best to become someone who didn’t need to be so defenseless again. I cultivated and learn the techniques my Master gave me. They were difficult, but most of them I have already mastered them. I knew that she was proud of my advancement, I had seen her face. I wanted her to keep being pride of me. But now she was clearly angry at me.

Was it bad that I would angry because I didn’t achieve to breakthrough? I really wanted to do it! I wanted to be more powerful! What’s bad about that?! And why Meng Shang could do it but not me? When I saved his life he was only a little more powerful than me, and I closed the gap quickly. I had to train hard to do it, but I finally achieve that and now… now! He is stronger! Not a little beat, but to a whole new level! I felt the enormous power that I had as a peak semi-mortal, how would it feel if I achieved what he did? It has to be wonderful! Why I didn’t could do it?

I felt I was robbed of my opportunity, in was not fair. If not for him I would have ascended. I remembered when I help him, I could have do nothing and we would never see us again. He would what trained with me, and he would not risk my life the first time we tried to breakthrough to the semi-mortal level. That day I thought I would die, and only because of my Master I could survive. I didn’t was angry by him, because I knew that all was something unexpected, nobody could think that that would happen, and also we were happy that we achieved what he wanted.

We trained in the words, we kill a lot, and even fought on a life or death situation. He could have abandoned me, but he didn’t’, and from that moment we were sworn brothers. We had tried to help each other, and I was happy. But now… I felt depressed. This was not me.

Do I was selfish? He what go to a lot of things, and we were siblings. I hated him to do something that I couldn’t, but it was not his fault. How could I be angry to my brother? No, I was not angry at him, I was angry at me. I had taken for granted that I would ascend, but I didn’t do it and he did. I had to felt happy for him, but I was jealous. Deep down, I knew it.

 I was a failure, not only in my eyes, but also in the eyes of my master. She was angry at me. She told me that this was all my idea, and she was right. If I didn’t want to help then, perhaps I would be at the same level as Meng Shang, but I did help them. I wanted to do it. I was angry to choose that path.

No, I was not. They needed help, and I had to give them help. I dint’ want them to suffer. They didn’t have any fault. Meng Shang…. He was not at fault neither. She didn’t wanted to do it, he said that to me many times. She was worried that I could be harmed. But I didn’t listen to him. I only cared to help the sect. What happened —I realized— it was not anyone fault but mine. I was the one who choose that path, and that was the consequences of my acts. I felt that way because I was ashamed of myself to not do better.

Now I was freezing, realizing how feeble were mortal beings, and I was one of them in that moment. Many things happened but I always had the help of my Master and Meng Shang. I felt embarrass by the way I acted. Know I knew it was childish. Perhaps I even hurt him. I didn’t’ want that, he was my brother, but I was so jealous that I could prevent that. I began to cry.

The problem was me, and I didn’t know what to do. Everyone sure hated me, and I didn’t want to felt alone. It that was the path that I would take from now on? Without master or brother? Power was important, but true family was even more.

Ice began to form near my eyes. I kept meditating and think all the things I did wrong. I need to remedy that. I didn’t want to be alone.

From far away I heard someone was calling me, I responded and it as Meng Shang. He began to search for me when I didn’t return to the sect. He was worried about e, because he felt I was not in a good mood. He ask me how I was. I embrace him. He was shocked, but didn’t do anything. I began to apologize to him, I told him everything I felt. He listened and not said anything after I finished my talk. “You know —he said— when I was in my family, many of my cousins were better than me, they grew stronger and faster than me, so I could understand what you feel. But we are brother and sister, we are true brother and sister forged by the circumstances. I know that this doesn’t make to feel better, but I want you to understand that I don’t care who is more powerful, now I’m, perhaps in the future, you are; but we can’t have jealousy between us. I want you to know that”.

I felt more ashamed. He was my minor, but act as the adult here, but he was right. I had to be happy for him, he was my true brother.

“What do you say if we left this place? —he asked—, we are celebrating that the sect.”

“Thank you —I responded—but I was punished by my master to be here one entire day, I can’t go. He nodded and stay with me meditating, so of his aura present me to freeze.

He stayed with my all day. I was really ashamed and happy.

That what true brothers do.

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