99 Taiji II

My soul tree was shining intensely, and my qi river was almost dry. I felt the effects of that on my body, my skin was paler and dryer, my hair was graying, and my vitality was almost at its end. It all that was happening why my soul tree was shining? What was I not noticing?

The only thing that I could think it’s to go to the tree and try to examine it, perhaps I could find an answer there. I touched it I felt a motion. I couldn’t describe it, but it felt familiar yet alien to me. “Fell it —said my Master—, what it is?” I tried to understand what was happening to the tree, but it was difficult. The motion felt like it was alive, but how could it be? That tree was part of me, but it had more life than my own body. How?

I thought about t and then I remembered something important. The life tree was not part of me, it was me. The qi was also me, all my inner self was me. How could I forget about that? So, this motion that I was feeling it was me, now I understood that it was my life force. This life force was a mix of my body, qi and soul. What it was destroying me was not the yin and yang, but the tree. But the tree was me. This life force had to be the way to control both yin and yang, and I would try to use it.

It was difficult but I did release my life force to the powers struggling. At first, I tried to separated them, but it was it was not useful. It was like if they didn’t care about my life force, they didn’t try to absorb it. That was different of what happened with my qi, so I had a crazy idea. Perhaps they could absorb it, so if I try to absorb them? I tested a little and it worked! What I had to do was absorbe it with my life force. It was a difficult task, I had to do it little by little. I tried to do a great quantity, but I was painful, and both powers rejected me. Why I could do it that way, but not the other way? I didn’t know but at least I was doing something.

It took a lot of time to do it, and I felt like it was fruitless. I had to think of another way to do it., but why my life force could take some part of their power, but not a lot? What had it lacked? The life force was a combination of my soul, qi and body, did I need something more? I returned to the question my Master posed me, what I was. Was I something more that these three things? What could it be?  Now I felt blood through all my orifices, I knew that I was on borrow time. What I was? The fact the my life force could absorb yin and yang, men that I was something more than that. I would be impossible otherwise, I thought. I was in desperation and then… I understood. It was not that I was lacking something, it was not that I could only absorb little by little. I could absorb all if I wanted, but I shackled myself in my thought. I was, as all things were, a combination of yin and yang. This two were what created everything, and I was part of it. And now I understood that these energies were also part of me. All was a cycle. And endless cycle of yin and yang, creation and destruction, life and death. All was the same, but different.

In that moment of realization all the energies began to be absorbed at a fast pace. I was one with the yin and yang, and the ying and yang was me. My life force began to move itself, forming a shape and my soul tree was at the center. The yin and yang were moving and entered also not only in the tree but in the drawing. When all was finished, in the middle of my inner self was inscribed a taiji, and that was something that I would never forget.

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